HOW TO OVERCOME DEATH AND GRIEF

When a loved one dies the pain is sometimes too much to bear. Death spells the end of the shared joy, sorrow, hope and love and life suddenly become unbearable.

Much as death is an end to life. It is also a part of it. It is cer­tain and gives meaning to our existence by reminding us of how precious life is.

When a loved one finally answers to St Peter's roll-call, the grim realization of death leaves one haunted and tormented by grief and trauma. Death is life's most stressful event and can cause a major emotional crisis.

It takes time to fully absorb the impact of loss. One never stops missing their loved one, and will mourn and grieve. Mourning is the natural process one goes through to accept n major loss and includes religious rites and gatherings with friends and family to share the loss. "It can also be personal and may last months or years." Grieving is the outward expression of loss

and often manifests physically, emotionally and psychologically. While crying is a physical expression, depression is a psychological one. . "It is very important to allow yourself to express these feelings. At first, it may seem helpful to separate yourself from the pain, but you cannot avoid grieving. "Someday those feelings will need to be resolved or they may cause physical or emotional illness."

There are cases of people affected physi­cally by grief. Stomach pain and upsets, loss of appetite, insomnia, ulcers and listlessness are common symptoms of acute grief. Existing ill­nesses may worsen due to grief as all body-defense mechanisms are weighed down.

Grief can also lead to profound emotional reactions. These include anxiety attacks, chronic fatigue, depression and suicidal thoughts. "An obsession with the deceased is also a common reaction to death.

The death may necessitate major social adjustments requiring the surviving spouse to parent alone and adjust to single life.

A loss due to suicide is among the most dif­ficult to bear. It leaves the survivors with a tre­mendous burden of guilt, anger and shame. They feel responsible for the death. Seeking counseling during the first weeks after the sui­cide is beneficial.

Coping with death is vital to your mental and physical health. It is defeatist to wish grief away for this only compound it. There are several ways to cope effectively:

1. Seek out caring people. Find relatives and friends who can understand your feelings of loss. Join support groups with others who are experiencing similar losses.
2. Express your feelings. "Grieving is some­thing you walk through, not get over," says the counselor. Get involved with the whole mourning process.
3. Take care of your health. Maintain regu­lar contact with your doctor, eat well and get plenty of rest. Do not rely on medi­cation (anti-depressants) or alcohol to ease your grief.
4. Life is for the living. Accept the present and stop dwell­ing on the past
5. Post­pone major life changes. Try to hold off on mak­ing any major changes, such as moving, re­marrying, changing jobs or having another child. You should give yourself time to adjust to your loss.
6. Be patient. Grieving process takes up to two years. Its the intensity of emotions that mat­ters.
7. Seek outside help when necessary. If your grief lasts beyond two years, seek professional assistance.

Helping Others Grieve

 If someone you care about has lost a loved one, you can help them through the grieving process.

1. Share the sorrow. Encourage them to talk about their feelings of loss and share memo­ries of the deceased.
2. Do not offer false comfort. It does not help the grieving person when you say, "it was for the best" or "you'll get over it in time." Instead, offer a simple expression of sorrow
3. and take time to listen.
4. Offer practical help. Running errands on behalf of the bereaved makes them feel appreciated. The gap that's left by the departed is momentarily filled by you.
5. Be patient. It can take a long time to recover from a major loss and you should always make yourself available to talk with the bereaved.
6. Encourage professional help when necessary. Don't hesitate to recommend professional help when you feel someone is expe­riencing too much pain to cope alone.

Helping children grieve

 "When handling children, "be very careful. When a child says to a parent, 'I don't like you' and that parent passes away, the child will be left with the thought this is what caused the death."

If well-meaning adults try to protect them from the truth or from their surviving parent's display of grief, this affects their sense of security and survival. Often, they are confused about the changes they see taking place around them.

Limited understanding and an inability to express feelings puts young children at a spe­cial disadvantage. They may revert to bad behavior (such as bed-wetting), ask ques­tions about the deceased that seem insensi­tive, invent games about dying or pretend that the death never happened.

In addition, coping with a child's grief adds strain on a bereaved parent. However, avoid angry outbursts or criticism for this only deepens their anxiety and delays recovery. Instead, talk honestly with them about death and the person who died. Help them work through their feelings and always remember that they looking up to adults for model behavior.

With support, patience and effort, we can all survive grief. The pain gradually lessens, leaving only cherished memories of the departed.