PARENTS CHARACTER AND CHILDREN'S BEHAVIOR

The personality of a child is colored by the emo­tional atmosphere of his home. This truth seems self-evident, yet it is only recently that we have come to recognize the relation between a parent's character and a child's conduct. Some parental practices are overt and obvious; they can be observed and their influence identified. Other practices are more covert and subtle: they can only be inferred and their impact hypothe­sized.

Any list of undesirable attitudes and characteristics will include those of parents who are overemotional, overprotective, childish, alcoholic, seductive, reject­ing, or over conscientious.

OVEREMOTIONAL PARENTS

Private attitudes and public conduct,

Children who have overemotional parents can be recognized easily: they are always heard and seen. Since early life, they have learned that they must yell to be heard, and talk fast if they are not to be interrupted. They mirror faithfully the turbulence of their own parents.

 Fre­quently both children and parents are unaware of their excessive emotionality and ever-ready explosiveness. When it is brought to their attention, they may at­tribute it, not without pride, to some ethnic character­istic or stereotype: "I'm a redhead, you know," or "It's my tribes temper."  

As long as they stay within their own subculture, such people are not too troublesome. But when they come in contact with the wider community, they be­come a nuisance. They are argumentative and time-consuming. They are loud talkers, but poor listeners. They are melodramatic, but unaware of their unpleas­ant impact.

Such parents may not be psychiatrically disturbed, but they are socially disturbing. They need some pro­fessional help to alter their private attitudes and public conduct.

OVERPROTECTIVE PARENTS

Relentless concern with minutiae.

Overprotective-ness essentially means a relentless concern with the minute details of a child's functioning. From birth on, such parents may worry endlessly about the child's survival. What is simple routine to most parents be­comes a life-and-death decision to an overprotective mother. She is like a person who would drive a car with the hood open in order to watch the engine.

Several times a day she may check her child's breath­ing, or measure his food intake, or examine his bowel movement, or worry about his sleep. When he stands, she is afraid he may fall; when he runs, she fears he may get hurt; and when he has a fever, she is certain that he is near death.

Such a parent really works hard for her living. She does not stop doing unnecessary things for her child. What she can do for him, he must not do for himself, even when he is willing and able. This mother will overdress and overfeed her child; If she could, she would digest the food for him.

In short, the child's job of living and functioning is taken over by mother, and the results are disastrous. The child grows, but does not mature. Having lived, so' to speak, on a borrowed ego, he has failed to develop his own. He remains an infant dependent on mother. He does not know his own feelings and wishes, and lacks elementary social skills. And since mother always made up his mind for him, he has great difficulty think­ing. He has little insight into himself or the world around him. He does not relate cause to effect, and is satisfied with magical explanations. Such children waste much energy in an ever-present conflict between dependence on mother and their dimly conscious wish for autonomy.

Overprotective parents need profes­sional help if their children are to become self-sufficient.

OVERCONSCIENTIOUS PARENTS

Happiness on a gold platter.

Many conscientious parents need guidance in bringing up children. The parents may be loving and devoted, but they are overly child-centered. They are determined to make their child happy even if it kills them. They strive to avoid all possible frustration on their child's life, even it in the process they themselves become frustrated and worn out. Happiness, at best, is an illusory goal. It is not a destination; it is a manner of traveling. Happiness is not an end in itself. It is a by-product of working, play­ing, loving, and living.

 Living, by necessity, involves delay between desire and fulfillment, between plan and realization. In other words, it involves frustration and the endurance of frustration.

We do not have to plan frustration, just as we do not have to premeditate illness. But when a child is frus­trated, a parent need not go to pieces. When a child cries, it is not necessary for mother to perform somer­saults to bring back his smile. Above all, children need wise management that is not based on guilt or martyr­dom.

When mild demands and reasonable requests are met with tears and tantrums, it is best to insist on performance and to live through the storm. Placating a child will not clear the air. Some clouds will bring rain, regardless. All one can do is to wait for the storm to pass without getting cold feet. Children draw strength and security from our ability to remain imperturbable and sympathetic.

Welcome to Parenting Insight Bureau, Kenyans most popular educational page for relationships, child rearing, Parenting and marriage related issues. This Page keeps you informed of the latest developments from the World of adolescences and Parenting. This PAGE is for you, so you're more than welcome to forward it to friends and colleagues,  You can also WHATUP using the link provided for personalized interactionhttps://wa.me/254746515881